THE FAST-FOOD GENERATION
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
Everyone needs an etiquette book on his or her shelf, one of those five-pound encyclopedias of everything related to manners. I think it should be a mandatory gift to every graduate, right along with the PDA and new briefcase. I received one when I finished high school and I still have it on my bookshelf. It's a little dog-eared, but the advice within isn't showing its age (unlike its owner).
Why is this book so important? You'll be glad you have it when you're faced with an invitation to a formal event. It will teach you first how to properly respond to the invitation and then, how to eat that multi-course meal with dozens of utensils, plates and glasses. It can help you plan a wedding, teach you how to write a letter, even how to get along with your co-workers.
But in this fast-food era, many people have forgotten - or were never taught - the fundamentals of dining etiquette. Which way should I pass? Which fork is mine? What do I do with my napkin? What follows are the answers to the basic questions many people have about dining. (If you need advice on how to combine business with a meal, please read "The Business Lunch" posted in the "Image Insights" archives.)
The first thing to do after being seated at a table is to immediately place your napkin in your lap. Unfold it into either a large triangle or rectangle. Never use your napkin as a tissue, but have one close by if you think you'll need to wipe your nose during the meal. Ladies should blot their lipstick with a tissue before eating so that they don't soil the cloth napkin and glassware. Don't flip over your coffee cup or other glassware you won't be using. If a beverage is served during the meal that you don't want, simply hold your hand over the cup and say, "No thank you."
If you have to leave the table during the meal, say a soft "excuse me" to the people on either side of you, leave your napkin on your chair (not the table) and push the chair under the table as you leave.
As you look at your place setting, remember that solids are on the left and liquids are on the right. In other words, your bread plate is on the left side above your forks and your drinking glasses are on the right side above the knife and spoons. Use silverware from the outside in. The first fork you will need will probably be your salad fork, the one farthest on the left. The larger fork directly to its right is your dinner fork. On the far right side of your place setting will most likely be a soup spoon, and on its left, a teaspoon followed by the knife. If you see utensils placed horizontally across the top of your place setting, save those for dessert. Remember - once a utensil has been used for eating, it never again touches the tablecloth, only the china!
Click on this place setting to see a larger image!
Your "real estate" at a table consists of, not only your place setting, but also the other items directly in front of you. It is your responsibility to take notice of those things and initiate their use. Roll baskets, butter, cream, salad dressings, sugar, salt and pepper - if they're within your reach, pick them up and start them around. Pass to the right and refrain from helping yourself first. Those items should make a complete pass around the table before you get your turn. If you just can't stand not having first choice of the rolls, turn to your neighbor on your right and say, "Would you mind if I help myself first?" They'll always say yes. Whenever you pass something with a handle, such as dressings, pass it with the handle facing the other person so that they can grasp it easily. And always pass the salt and pepper as a set, even if only one was requested.
It's important that you place the butter first on the bread plate before buttering your bread. Break up your bread or rolls into one- or two-bite morsels for buttering and eating. Whatever you take up to your mouth to eat should be eaten in one or two consecutive bites. Your tablemates don't want to see the part that didn't quite fit in your mouth placed back on your bread plate!
To eat soup properly, draw the spoon away from you and quietly sip the soup from the side of the spoon. Tilt the bowl away from you to get to the last drops. When you're finished, place the spoon on the plate beneath the soup bowl. If there is no plate, rest the spoon in the bowl. Follow these same guidelines for any dessert served in a bowl.
Salads should be prepared so that they consist of bite-size pieces. But if the salad contains leaves that are too big to eat, use your salad fork to cut them into smaller pieces. And if that doesn't work, use your dinner knife. But only use the knife when all other methods have failed. Why? Because you'll also need that knife for the main course, and after you've used it for the salad, there's no place to put it so that it doesn't also disappear with the salad plate.
When eating the main course, pace your speed of eating to that of your tablemates so that you don't make them feel uncomfortable. In the United States, we eat "American Style". Here's how to do it. Cut your food with the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right hand. Cut only one piece at a time. Then lay your knife down along the top edge of the plate and transfer the fork to your right hand. Bring the food up to your mouth with the tines on the fork facing upward. Don't stab your food or hold the silverware with your fists. And be careful not to gesture or point with your silverware, whether or not it has food on it.
If you must remove something from your mouth as you eat, take it out the way it went in. In other words, if it entered your mouth on a fork, remove it with your fork. If it was finger food, use your fingers to remove it. Hold your napkin in front of your mouth to mask the removal, then place the item on the side of your plate. Don't try to hide it under the plate, because as soon as the plates are cleared it will be left behind on the tablecloth! Don't hide any paper trash you've accumulated during the meal under your plate either. Just place it on the edge of your bread plate.
At the conclusion of the meal, imagine your dinner plate as a clock and place your utensils in the 4:20 position. It's considered rude to push your plates away, stack them up or hand them to the server. Place your loosely-folded napkin on the table just as you stand to leave, not before.
Maneuvering through a meal doesn't have to be scary. Like all elements of etiquette, it boils down to common sense combined with kindness. Knowing the guidelines for dining etiquette gives you confidence so that you can relax and enjoy the meal and company. And in this fast-food age, it can also make you unforgettable!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
CUBICLE ETIQUETTE
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
Is your current workspace a cubicle? Is a move into a cubicle in your near future? Life in a cube presents certain challenges. And if you’re being moved out of an office into a cube farm, the change can be emotional, as well. Working in a cubicle does have some upsides, such as developing an open and connected staff and creating a feeling of camaraderie. However, studies show that most workers are not thrilled with the idea of working in a cube because of the lack of privacy and the increased noise. Here, then, is a set of ground rules that will help cube dwellers remain both productive and neighborly.
PRIVACY
Never enter someone’s cubicle without permission. Behave as though cubicles have doors. Do not enter before you have eye contact “permission” from the occupant.
Try not to sneak up behind someone in a cube. Announce yourself at their doorway or lightly knock on the wall.
Post a sign or flag at your cube entrance to signal when you can be interrupted. Avoid making eye contact with people if you don’t want to be interrupted.
Don’t “prairie-dog” over the tops of cubes or peek in as you walk past each one.
Don’t loiter outside someone’s cube while you wait for him or her to finish a phone call. Come back at another time.
Never read someone’s computer screen or comment on conversations you’ve overheard. Resist answering a question you overheard asked in the cube next to you!
Keep your hands off a cube dweller’s desk. Just because there’s no door doesn’t mean you can help yourself to their paper clips.
PHONES
Try to pick up your phone after one or two rings. Set the ringer volume at a low level.
Limit the use of speakerphones. If you must use one, keep the volume as low as possible. Use a meeting room for conference calls.
Watch your volume when talking on the phone. A headset can help keep your voice low.
When you leave your cubicle, turn your phone ringer off and let it go to voicemail or forward your phone number to your new location.
Never leave your cell phone behind in your cube without first turning it off or to vibrate.
With personal or sensitive calls, be aware that your neighbors can hear your end of the conversation.
TALKING
Use your “library voice”.
Don’t talk through cube walls or congregate outside someone’s cube. For impromptu meetings, go to a conference room or break room.
Don’t bring clients to your cube to meet with them. Go to an office or conference room.
Don’t yell across the “cube farm”. Get up and move to the other person’s location.
GENERAL NOISE
Use email or instant messaging to communicate silently with your coworkers.
Play radios at low volumes or use a headset.
Set your PC volume to a low level and turn off screensaver sound effects.
Set pagers to vibrate.
Work out an arrangement with your neighbors to take lunch breaks at different times. This will give each of you some quiet time in your cube.
Eat quietly. Avoid gum-popping, humming, slurping and pen tapping.
SMELLS
A good rule of thumb is to never eat hot food at your desk. Food odors can bother your hungry or nauseous neighbors.
Perfume and cologne should be avoided in a cubicle arrangement. Your neighbors may have allergies.
Keep an air freshener handy.
Keep your shoes on!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
© 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
BUSINESS ETIQUETTE IN JAPAN
by Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
While in Japan, DO...
Learn some basic Japanese expressions.
Call the Japanese by their proper titles. Use last names plus "san" to mean Mr. or Mrs. Never address a Japanese by his first name.
Business cards are ceremonial and extremely important. Carry plenty of cards printed in two languages - one side English, one Japanese. Take a card swiftly from your inner jacket pocket, not the back pants pocket, and hand it Japanese-side front. Receive their card with both hands, bow a little, then take a moment to read it. Place the card in the left inner jacket pocket. Never write on their card.
If someone bows to you, observe it carefully. Bow to the same depth. Lower your eyes and keep your palms flat against your thighs.
The less eye contact, the better. Japanese view our direct eye contact as an affront. When conversing, only an occasional glance into the other person's face is necessary.
The seller is always lower in status than the buyer. Be humble and show sincerity.
Show greatest respect to the oldest members of the Japanese group. Age equals rank.
On the job, the Japanese are very serious and do not try to lighten things up with humor.
Business entertaining usually occurs after-hours and rarely in the home. You will be entertained often and often on short notice. Be enthusiastic while eating and show great appreciation afterwards.
Contracts are not perceived as final agreements. You or they may renegotiate.
Recognize that Japanese business society is group-oriented. The individual should not stand out.
While in Japan, Don't...
Don't be offended by the many personal questions Japanese ask foreigners. Expect to be asked about your job, responsibilities, even salary. They are merely trying to decide how to address you.
No casual outfits or big gifts at a first meeting.
Never cross your arms when listening to someone speak.
No male-female touching in public.
Males do not engage in back-slapping or other forms of touching.
Direct eye contact is not the norm.
Don't tell jokes until you know a person well. Avoid American slang.
Don't ask about private matters, like wife or children, unless they offer first.
No deals are made during the first meeting. Be patient. Watch for nodding of heads - it means they are listening, not that you got the deal.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
CHOOSING WINE
by Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
I met recently with Gregg Wilson, Wine Manager, to discuss choosing wines for serving at dinner parties and to give as gifts. We discussed wines that would appeal to young corporate types as well as older, established executives.
Gregg strongly recommends California cabernets as wines that are both classic and trendy. "You’ll always be safe choosing a vintage from the 1990’s. The entire decade is considered excellent. 1994 was an especially good year," said Wilson. To really impress your companions, look for "Opus One" from Robert Mondavi, or "Silver Oak" cabernets. They are much sought after because they are highly-rated, very drinkable and in short supply. Look for them in the Fall when each vintage is released. Prices for good cabernets will run from $20 to $100 a bottle. But don’t choose a wine based solely on price. "For example", Gregg said, "a 1995 vintage "Dominus" runs about $100, but that was not as good a year for it as 1994. It can easily be beat in quality by a $40 bottle of another California cabernet."
California chardonnays, which are preferred when serving fish, do not make as impressive a gift. "They aren’t viewed as collectible by those who appreciate wine," offered Greg. He does recommend Cakebread Cellar and Sonoma-Cutrer as good chardonnays to serve. California chardonnays run from $25 to $40 a bottle.
If you are in the market for wine to either give to or serve an older, more sophisticated client or business associate, consider French wines. At the top of the list are bordeauxs and burgundies. Bordeauxs such as Mouton Rothschild, Lafite Rothschild and Latour cost between $150 to $275. Burgundies can run from about $55 to $70 a bottle. However, Greg warns, you must invest time in studying French wines before making a purchase. French wines are complicated and you must be knowledgeble about the geography, history, vineyard, etc. to make an informed choice.
More advice from Greg — study "Wine Spectator" magazine, available at bookstores. They rate wines and any wine rated a 96 or above is definitely worth trying. And be willing to expand your wine horizons and experiment with wines from other countries, like Spain, Italy and Australia. Perhaps most importantly, develop a relationship with a knowledgeable wine specialist.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
©2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
THE BUSINESS LUNCH
by Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
More business in America is conducted over restaurant tables than in offices. We take clients to breakfast, lunch, tea, cocktails and dinner to discuss business and strengthen relationships. Prospective employees are often evaluated over a meal, as are current employees in line for a promotion. Your social etiquette skills can often be a determining factor in your success with clients and superiors. What follows are some tips for planning and executing the perfect business lunch.
First of all, develop relationships with a few nice restaurants. Get acquainted with the manager, maitre 'd and servers. You'll receive great service and have special requests honored.
INVITATION - When you invite someone to lunch, make it clear you will be the host, that you will be paying. Suggest several different restaurants and let the guest choose. Always make reservations (you should only be taking guests to restaurants that accept reservations). On the day of your lunch, call your guest in the morning to confirm the place and time.
ARRIVAL - Arrive ten minutes ahead of your reservation and ask to have your table and server pointed out to you now. If possible, take your server aside and explain that the bill should come to you at the end of the meal. Or let them input your credit card information now.
Wait for your guest in the lobby, and let them precede you as you walk to the table. They should be seated first and in the best seat.
ORDERING - Since you dine regularly at this restaurant, you'll be able to make recommendations to your guest. Be sure that you order something easy to eat so you can carry on a conversation. Don't order anything too crunchy, messy or anything you have to eat with your hands. Choose simple, knife-and-fork food.
SMOKING/DRINKING - Follow the lead of your guest. If he or she smokes and you don't, and you think you can tolerate the smoke, sit in Smoking. If you smoke and your guest doesn't, sit in Non-Smoking if you possibly can. Smokers should wait for all food to be cleared from the table before lighting up, and always ask permission from others at the table. Be aware of the direction of your smoke.
When the server takes the drink order, ask you guest if they would like a cocktail, and then follow their lead. If they order alcohol, you can too, but limit your drinks to one or two light ones. If they don't drink, you don't.
BUSINESS - Wait until the meal is finished before initiating any serious talk of business. Documents only go on top of the table, briefcases never. Notebook computers are being seen more at restaurants. If you need one for your discussion, change seats to get closer to your guest. Turn your beepers and cell phone to "silent signal" or off completely.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
© 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
GIFT-GIVING ETIQUETTE
Giovinella Gonthier, owner of Gonthier's Selections and Protocol in Chicago, sat down with Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, recently to discuss the protocol for gift-giving in business.
Jill Bremer: You've had so many interesting positions and projects in your professional life. Please share with us some of your impressive credentials.
Giovinella Gonthier: I have a Masters degree from Harvard and I was the Ambassador of my country, the Seychelles Islands, to the United Nations for almost eight consecutive years during the height of the "cold war". I was also concurrently accredited to the United States. Prior to my U.N. posting, I was the charge d'affair in our Paris embassy and before that, I was in our Ministry of Foreign Affairs in the Seychelles. I grew up in East Africa and have traveled extensively. I have also been Ambassador to some of the Central American countries and to Cuba. So I have had to deal with a variety of cultures and people of different religions and ages.
J.B.: How did you decide that there was a need for a business such as yours?
G.G.: On one of my travels to Japan, I realized that I was totally unprepared for the protocols of gift giving and exchanging. I didn't know anything about the concept of "perceived value" or the value of reciprocity or the importance they, as a culture, attach to both giving and receiving gifts. I was embarrassed, so when I came back from that trip I decided to something about my own ignorance.
J.B.: What did you do?
G.G.: I talked to a lot of people about their own faux pas, I read many books and decided that this would never happen to me again. I felt there was a need for this service in the United States because I found that gift-giving is usually an afterthought and not considered an integral part of the overall business strategy, which it should be. I have also found that it is usually delegated to an overworked secretary who often takes the easiest route. The result is usually an inappropriate, generic, mass-produced gift. In Europe, Asia and Africa, it is usually the CEO themselves who make the gift decisions.
J.B.: Why do we give gifts in business?
G.G.: We give them to promote goodwill, to demonstrate gratitude and to continue good relationships. Everyone loves receiving a well-thought-out gift.
J.B.: When should we give gifts in business?
G.G.: We give gifts when we close a deal to show good faith and to demonstrate happiness that the arduous process has ended. We give gifts to demonstrate good will on an ongoing basis. We also give gifts to celebrate a windfall.
J.B.: Could you share a few gift giving horror stories?
G.G.: Something occurred recently that I witnessed, when the Foreign Minister of Egypt was here in Chicago. The Governor's representative gave him exactly what should not be given to someone from the Gulf States or the Middle East, which is a gift made out of wood. The perceived value of wood is very low, because in desert countries they don't have wood so they don't know how to view it. Secondly, a gift like that won't last very long because their air is very dry. So you really have to be very discerning about the gifts you choose and who you give them to, especially considering our global economy and different cultures.
One of the big, big errors that I see most people make is that they give a gift that they themselves would like to receive, rather than selecting a gift from the perspective of the recipient. This is where we come in as a professional company. We do a lot of research into the background of the gift recipient and determine what they would like to receive. For example, Motorola was receiving the President of Egypt last year and they were trying to find a gift for him. We did some research into his background and found out that he loves to play squash. So we made a special squash racquet for him. He was very, very pleased because he got something that he liked. We know that it will be used, that it will not be junked or recycled to someone else. He also knew that a lot of thought had gone into that gift, that it wasn't a last minute decision.
J.B.: What are some examples of appropriate and inappropriate gifts in American business?
G.G.: Any form of lingerie would be inappropriate. Women do not like to receive gifts like that in public, and yet it's done all the time. Other inappropriate gifts in the workplace are gag gifts, especially when there is sexual orientation to it. It makes the recipient extremely uncomfortable. During Christmas, people like to give food or beverage items. But you must make sure that your recipient is not allergic to that kind of food.
J.B.: We should probably be very careful about gifts of liquor, shouldn't we?
G.G.: Absolutely, that can be a major issue for some people. So again, you really have to do research on the gift recipient and that is where somebody like me comes in. We do not only research what President Mubarak would like, but also what the ordinary office worker would like. It is just as important for her to be happy.
J.B.: What are the items that you can never go wrong with?
G.G.: You can never go wrong with artistic, one-of-a-kind products. And what you must always keep in mind is the concept of perceived value. What is perceived as valuable by one culture may not be valuable to another. For example, if you're going to Mexico on business, you don't take something made of silver. They have an abundance of it there and the perceived value of it is very low. They think of silver as cheap. If you have a Mexican-American working for you here in the U.S. and you want to give silver frames to your employees as a gift, you may want to reconsider giving it to that employee. She will know that she can get that for practically nothing back in Mexico. If you want to give chocolates to someone and you have found through your research that they are not allergic or on a diet, you still have to think about the perceived value of that box of chocolates. What message will your gift recipient take from this? Was this an afterthought or a last-minute decision?
J.B.: So a gift of chocolates from the corner candy store will not have much perceived value because they are so readily available, but a hard-to-find imported chocolate would have more value?
G.G.: It would have value if the person you are gifting loves chocolate! It all comes down to thought - how much thought was put into this gift? A gift could be very simple, for example, a corkscrew. To a wine collector that would have high perceived value, even if it cost five dollars.
J.B.: What should we spend on business gifts?
G.G.: A very good question. We call it the concept of "face". Look at the hierarchy. The higher up a person is, the more expensive the gift should be. If you're giving gifts to an entire group of people, perhaps because they were involved in closing a deal with you, never give gifts of the same look and value to everybody. The Chairman or CEO should get something a bit more special than the V.P., and so on down the line. That's important so that they don't lose face.
Find out about the gift-giving culture in your own office. Do people exchange small gifts? Do they give gifts to the boss? If you are new to the office, ask around to find out how it's done and how much is usually spent. Never give someone something that is too expensive. That will make them feel that they have to reciprocate at that level.
J.B.: How should gifts be presented? In person, by mail?
G.G.: It depends on the circumstances. At Christmas, most gifts are sent by mail. At a celebratory dinner, gifts will be presented then. Westerners will usually open the gift, Asians will not open the gift in front of others, again it's the concept of saving face. A retirement gift should be presented unwrapped at the retirement party.
What people don't want anymore is generic, mass-produced things. In this technological age, we have come to appreciate what is made by hand, creative and original. With my American clients, I try to make them look at quality more than quantity and size. Size seems to be very important in the U.S. My task is to teach my clients that a good gift doesn't have to be big.
J.B.: How should we acknowledge a gift that we have been given?
G.G.: The best way to acknowledge a gift is with a handwritten note. Even if you don't like the gift, it should be acknowledged that it was received. Otherwise you should be very effusive, especially when you find that the giver has put a lot of time and thought into your gift. Even Christmas gifts should be acknowledged with a note.
J.B.: Any last words of advice?
G.G.: I would be very discerning about promotional gift items, they're not always appropriate. Promotional items are to advertise your own company, not to acknowledge the accomplishments of the recipient. However, we do offer those types of gifts for the situations when they are appropriate. Keep in mind the concepts of perceived value and saving face. Do your research and look for creative, uncommon gifts. And make gift giving a priority in your business strategy. Remember that gifts to employees and coworkers are just as important as gifts to VIP's. We believe that professional advice is crucial in gift-giving. We can help you find the perfect gift that is both culturally appropriate and treasured by the recipient.
Giovinella Gonthier, owner of Gonthier's Selections and Protocol, offers dignitary management, international business development and executive gift selection. She can be reached at 312-655-0533 or by email at rgwgg@msn.com
© 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
DINING ETIQUETTE FOR
THE FAST-FOOD GENERATION
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
Everyone needs an etiquette book on his or her shelf, one of those five-pound encyclopedias of everything related to manners. I think it should be a mandatory gift to every graduate, right along with the PDA and new briefcase. I received one when I finished high school and I still have it on my bookshelf. It's a little dog-eared, but the advice within isn't showing its age (unlike its owner).
Why is this book so important? You'll be glad you have it when you're faced with an invitation to a formal event. It will teach you first how to properly respond to the invitation and then, how to eat that multi-course meal with dozens of utensils, plates and glasses. It can help you plan a wedding, teach you how to write a letter, even how to get along with your co-workers.
But in this fast-food era, many people have forgotten - or were never taught - the fundamentals of dining etiquette. Which way should I pass? Which fork is mine? What do I do with my napkin? What follows are the answers to the basic questions many people have about dining. (If you need advice on how to combine business with a meal, please read "The Business Lunch" posted in the "Image Insights" archives.)
The first thing to do after being seated at a table is to immediately place your napkin in your lap. Unfold it into either a large triangle or rectangle. Never use your napkin as a tissue, but have one close by if you think you'll need to wipe your nose during the meal. Ladies should blot their lipstick with a tissue before eating so that they don't soil the cloth napkin and glassware. Don't flip over your coffee cup or other glassware you won't be using. If a beverage is served during the meal that you don't want, simply hold your hand over the cup and say, "No thank you."
If you have to leave the table during the meal, say a soft "excuse me" to the people on either side of you, leave your napkin on your chair (not the table) and push the chair under the table as you leave.
As you look at your place setting, remember that solids are on the left and liquids are on the right. In other words, your bread plate is on the left side above your forks and your drinking glasses are on the right side above the knife and spoons. Use silverware from the outside in. The first fork you will need will probably be your salad fork, the one farthest on the left. The larger fork directly to its right is your dinner fork. On the far right side of your place setting will most likely be a soup spoon, and on its left, a teaspoon followed by the knife. If you see utensils placed horizontally across the top of your place setting, save those for dessert. Remember - once a utensil has been used for eating, it never again touches the tablecloth, only the china!
Click on this place setting to see a larger image!
Your "real estate" at a table consists of, not only your place setting, but also the other items directly in front of you. It is your responsibility to take notice of those things and initiate their use. Roll baskets, butter, cream, salad dressings, sugar, salt and pepper - if they're within your reach, pick them up and start them around. Pass to the right and refrain from helping yourself first. Those items should make a complete pass around the table before you get your turn. If you just can't stand not having first choice of the rolls, turn to your neighbor on your right and say, "Would you mind if I help myself first?" They'll always say yes. Whenever you pass something with a handle, such as dressings, pass it with the handle facing the other person so that they can grasp it easily. And always pass the salt and pepper as a set, even if only one was requested.
It's important that you place the butter first on the bread plate before buttering your bread. Break up your bread or rolls into one- or two-bite morsels for buttering and eating. Whatever you take up to your mouth to eat should be eaten in one or two consecutive bites. Your tablemates don't want to see the part that didn't quite fit in your mouth placed back on your bread plate!
To eat soup properly, draw the spoon away from you and quietly sip the soup from the side of the spoon. Tilt the bowl away from you to get to the last drops. When you're finished, place the spoon on the plate beneath the soup bowl. If there is no plate, rest the spoon in the bowl. Follow these same guidelines for any dessert served in a bowl.
Salads should be prepared so that they consist of bite-size pieces. But if the salad contains leaves that are too big to eat, use your salad fork to cut them into smaller pieces. And if that doesn't work, use your dinner knife. But only use the knife when all other methods have failed. Why? Because you'll also need that knife for the main course, and after you've used it for the salad, there's no place to put it so that it doesn't also disappear with the salad plate.
When eating the main course, pace your speed of eating to that of your tablemates so that you don't make them feel uncomfortable. In the United States, we eat "American Style". Here's how to do it. Cut your food with the fork in your left hand and the knife in your right hand. Cut only one piece at a time. Then lay your knife down along the top edge of the plate and transfer the fork to your right hand. Bring the food up to your mouth with the tines on the fork facing upward. Don't stab your food or hold the silverware with your fists. And be careful not to gesture or point with your silverware, whether or not it has food on it.
If you must remove something from your mouth as you eat, take it out the way it went in. In other words, if it entered your mouth on a fork, remove it with your fork. If it was finger food, use your fingers to remove it. Hold your napkin in front of your mouth to mask the removal, then place the item on the side of your plate. Don't try to hide it under the plate, because as soon as the plates are cleared it will be left behind on the tablecloth! Don't hide any paper trash you've accumulated during the meal under your plate either. Just place it on the edge of your bread plate.
At the conclusion of the meal, imagine your dinner plate as a clock and place your utensils in the 4:20 position. It's considered rude to push your plates away, stack them up or hand them to the server. Place your loosely-folded napkin on the table just as you stand to leave, not before.
Maneuvering through a meal doesn't have to be scary. Like all elements of etiquette, it boils down to common sense combined with kindness. Knowing the guidelines for dining etiquette gives you confidence so that you can relax and enjoy the meal and company. And in this fast-food age, it can also make you unforgettable!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can
THANK-YOU NOTE ETIQUETTE
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
The impact of a handwritten thank-you note is often overlooked in today's fast-paced "why-write-something-when-I-can-email-it" world. A note written promptly and sincerely is an important ritual of etiquette that is much more effective and appreciated than a phone call or electronic message. Yes, we have a lot of technology at our fingertips, but just because we can do that way doesn't mean we should.
Most of our mail each day is filled with advertisements and bills. Handwritten notes and letters are a rarity, which makes them that much more meaningful to the recipient. When you write a note by hand, it shows the other person that you cared enough to pull out the stationery box and choose your words without the conveniences of the grammar tool and spellchecker! Written notes are also permanent, which means they can be saved by the recipient and passed around to share with others.
A few years ago, I worried for weeks about what to get a special client for Christmas. This was someone I had worked with very closely for a number of years on many different projects. She is laden each holiday season with several dozen gifts - fruit, wine, books, etc. I didn't want my gift to get lost in the crowd, so I decided to send her a personal note of thanks. I spent a long time choosing just the right words to express what I had learned from her and how I valued our working relationship. She called me the next week to tell me how special the note was, that she had passed it around to her staff and would treasure it forever. She said it was the one gift that actually meant something to her that year.
Thank you notes should be written to thank someone for a gift, a meal or for a favor done. Your appreciation should be acknowledged within 72 hours; thank-yous seem much more sincere when they are expressed promptly. I think one reason people don't send thank-you notes is because they don't own proper stationery. Both men and women need a collection of personalized social stationery, such as letter sheets (for women), Monarch sheets (for men), half sheets, foldover cards (also know as Informals), correspondence cards and envelopes. This set of stationery can be used for letters, thank-you notes, issuing invitations, replying to invitations and gift enclosures. Consider investing in these items; they will serve you well and make a great impression on your recipients.
Correspondence cards are the best choice for thank-you notes, however women may also choose Informals for their notes. Here is a sample format for a thank-you note for a gift:
Start by expressing appreciation - "Thank you for the beautiful picture frame."
Mention the gift's usefulness - "It is the perfect size for our large anniversary picture. The fact that our names and anniversary date are engraved on the frame makes it so special. It looks perfect on the hall table. In fact, it's the first thing you see when you open our front door."
Express the hope for a future meeting - "I hope you and Don can visit us soon to see how we are enjoying your thoughtful gift."
There is really no excuse for not writing a thank-you note. Purchase the proper tools and make it a habit to write a note as soon as possible after the event or receiving the gift. And, please, teach your children to do the same.
It is believed by many people that thank-you notes helped elect George Bush (the first one!) to the U.S. Presidency. He carried a box of cards with him everywhere he went on the campaign trail and jotted a note immediately following each event to the volunteers or hosts. Many believe the personal touch of those notes is what propelled him into the White House. Is there a presidency in your future? Start writing those notes. And when you get there, send me one, too!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
THANK-YOU NOTE ETIQUETTE
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
The impact of a handwritten thank-you note is often overlooked in today's fast-paced "why-write-something-when-I-can-email-it" world. A note written promptly and sincerely is an important ritual of etiquette that is much more effective and appreciated than a phone call or electronic message. Yes, we have a lot of technology at our fingertips, but just because we can do that way doesn't mean we should.
Most of our mail each day is filled with advertisements and bills. Handwritten notes and letters are a rarity, which makes them that much more meaningful to the recipient. When you write a note by hand, it shows the other person that you cared enough to pull out the stationery box and choose your words without the conveniences of the grammar tool and spellchecker! Written notes are also permanent, which means they can be saved by the recipient and passed around to share with others.
A few years ago, I worried for weeks about what to get a special client for Christmas. This was someone I had worked with very closely for a number of years on many different projects. She is laden each holiday season with several dozen gifts - fruit, wine, books, etc. I didn't want my gift to get lost in the crowd, so I decided to send her a personal note of thanks. I spent a long time choosing just the right words to express what I had learned from her and how I valued our working relationship. She called me the next week to tell me how special the note was, that she had passed it around to her staff and would treasure it forever. She said it was the one gift that actually meant something to her that year.
Thank you notes should be written to thank someone for a gift, a meal or for a favor done. Your appreciation should be acknowledged within 72 hours; thank-yous seem much more sincere when they are expressed promptly. I think one reason people don't send thank-you notes is because they don't own proper stationery. Both men and women need a collection of personalized social stationery, such as letter sheets (for women), Monarch sheets (for men), half sheets, foldover cards (also know as Informals), correspondence cards and envelopes. This set of stationery can be used for letters, thank-you notes, issuing invitations, replying to invitations and gift enclosures. Consider investing in these items; they will serve you well and make a great impression on your recipients.
Correspondence cards are the best choice for thank-you notes, however women may also choose Informals for their notes. Here is a sample format for a thank-you note for a gift:
Start by expressing appreciation - "Thank you for the beautiful picture frame."
Mention the gift's usefulness - "It is the perfect size for our large anniversary picture. The fact that our names and anniversary date are engraved on the frame makes it so special. It looks perfect on the hall table. In fact, it's the first thing you see when you open our front door."
Express the hope for a future meeting - "I hope you and Don can visit us soon to see how we are enjoying your thoughtful gift."
There is really no excuse for not writing a thank-you note. Purchase the proper tools and make it a habit to write a note as soon as possible after the event or receiving the gift. And, please, teach your children to do the same.
It is believed by many people that thank-you notes helped elect George Bush (the first one!) to the U.S. Presidency. He carried a box of cards with him everywhere he went on the campaign trail and jotted a note immediately following each event to the volunteers or hosts. Many believe the personal touch of those notes is what propelled him into the White House. Is there a presidency in your future? Start writing those notes. And when you get there, send me one, too!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
THANK-YOU NOTE ETIQUETTE
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
The impact of a handwritten thank-you note is often overlooked in today's fast-paced "why-write-something-when-I-can-email-it" world. A note written promptly and sincerely is an important ritual of etiquette that is much more effective and appreciated than a phone call or electronic message. Yes, we have a lot of technology at our fingertips, but just because we can do that way doesn't mean we should.
Most of our mail each day is filled with advertisements and bills. Handwritten notes and letters are a rarity, which makes them that much more meaningful to the recipient. When you write a note by hand, it shows the other person that you cared enough to pull out the stationery box and choose your words without the conveniences of the grammar tool and spellchecker! Written notes are also permanent, which means they can be saved by the recipient and passed around to share with others.
A few years ago, I worried for weeks about what to get a special client for Christmas. This was someone I had worked with very closely for a number of years on many different projects. She is laden each holiday season with several dozen gifts - fruit, wine, books, etc. I didn't want my gift to get lost in the crowd, so I decided to send her a personal note of thanks. I spent a long time choosing just the right words to express what I had learned from her and how I valued our working relationship. She called me the next week to tell me how special the note was, that she had passed it around to her staff and would treasure it forever. She said it was the one gift that actually meant something to her that year.
Thank you notes should be written to thank someone for a gift, a meal or for a favor done. Your appreciation should be acknowledged within 72 hours; thank-yous seem much more sincere when they are expressed promptly. I think one reason people don't send thank-you notes is because they don't own proper stationery. Both men and women need a collection of personalized social stationery, such as letter sheets (for women), Monarch sheets (for men), half sheets, foldover cards (also know as Informals), correspondence cards and envelopes. This set of stationery can be used for letters, thank-you notes, issuing invitations, replying to invitations and gift enclosures. Consider investing in these items; they will serve you well and make a great impression on your recipients.
Correspondence cards are the best choice for thank-you notes, however women may also choose Informals for their notes. Here is a sample format for a thank-you note for a gift:
Start by expressing appreciation - "Thank you for the beautiful picture frame."
Mention the gift's usefulness - "It is the perfect size for our large anniversary picture. The fact that our names and anniversary date are engraved on the frame makes it so special. It looks perfect on the hall table. In fact, it's the first thing you see when you open our front door."
Express the hope for a future meeting - "I hope you and Don can visit us soon to see how we are enjoying your thoughtful gift."
There is really no excuse for not writing a thank-you note. Purchase the proper tools and make it a habit to write a note as soon as possible after the event or receiving the gift. And, please, teach your children to do the same.
It is believed by many people that thank-you notes helped elect George Bush (the first one!) to the U.S. Presidency. He carried a box of cards with him everywhere he went on the campaign trail and jotted a note immediately following each event to the volunteers or hosts. Many believe the personal touch of those notes is what propelled him into the White House. Is there a presidency in your future? Start writing those notes. And when you get there, send me one, too!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
MAKING TOASTS
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
Toasts are not a part of our everyday life, but it's important to know how to make a proper one when the occasion does present itself. Most often given at weddings, toasts are appropriate any time good friends get together socially.
In general, there are two points during a meal when a toast can be offered; both should be initiated by the host. The first toast is offered before eating and serves to welcome the guests. "I'd like to welcome all of you to the banquet today. Bon appetit!" A toast to the guest of honor is made after the dessert course when the wine glasses have been refilled or the champagne has been served. This toast is more like a short speech (1-2 minutes) that needs to be prepared and rehearsed ahead of time. It should be light, warm and humorous in tone and include personal anecdotes and words of admiration for the honored guest. Conclude by quoting a short, formal toast (see samples below).
Be sure that you don't jump in with a toast before the host has an opportunity to offer one himself. If it looks like the host is not going to give a toast, approach him quietly and ask permission to offer one yourself. When there is no guest of honor at an event, a toast can be made to the host by one of the guests.
Toasting Techniques:
To get the group's attention, never bang on a glass; simply stand, holding your glass in the air. (Toasts should be offered standing, unless at a private, small affair or in a public restaurant.)
The person being toasted remains seated.
Don't hold your glass in the air during your toast. Set it down after you get their attention, make your toast, then raise your glass and ask the others to raise theirs for your formal, final words. You can also ask the group to stand for the final words.
Guests respond by taking a sip of their drink, not draining the glass. For those not drinking alcohol, toasting with water or a soft drink is acceptable. The person being toasted does not drink.
The guest of honor often returns the toast, thanking the host for their kind words and then proposing a toast of their own to the host.
What follows are a few of my favorite traditional toasts, suitable for your final words.
May there always be work for your hands to do.
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine warm on your windowpane.
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
May you both live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.
May your glasses be ever full.
May the roof over your heads be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour
before the devil knows you're dead.
May your troubles be less
And your blessings be more.
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door.
May your neighbors respect you,
trouble neglect you,
angels protect you,
and heaven accept you!
May all your joys be pure joys,
and all your pain champagne.
May misfortune follow you the rest of your life,
but never catch up.
Happiness being a dessert so sweet
May life give you more than you can ever eat.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at jill@bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
HANDSHAKES AND INTRODUCTIONS
IN BUSINESS
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
HANDSHAKES
Handshakes are the only consistent physical contact we have in the business world. They also happen first in an encounter, so they set the tone for the entire relationship that follows. People make an immediate judgment about your character and level of confidence through your handshake. So take time to practice your handshake skills until you know you can perform them well.
Offer your entire hand, moving into your partner’s until “web meets web” (the area between the thumb and forefinger). Grasp firmly, shake gently for 3-4 seconds (no pumping!) and then release. Don’t forget to make eye contact and add a smile. Be ready to offer your full name, even if you’ve met before. Don’t assume casual acquaintances will remember you, so give your name quickly and remind them where you met.
Practice with someone and ask for his or her honest feedback. At all costs, avoid the “wet noodle”, “bone-crusher”, “fingers only” and two-handed shakes. They convey nothing but negative messages to others.
When do you shake hands? Whenever you’re introduced to someone, when someone enters your office from the outside, when you leave an event attended by people from the outside and when you run into someone outside your office. A good rule of thumb – if you shook hands at the beginning, you should also shake when you say goodbye.
INTRODUCTIONS
There are two kinds of introductions: self-introductions and three-party introductions.
When do you introduce yourself? When you recognize someone and he or she doesn’t recognize you, whenever you’re seated next to someone you don’t know, when the introducer doesn’t remember your name and when you’re the friend of a friend. Extend your hand, offer your first and last names and share something about yourself or the event you’re attending.
Tip: In a self-introduction, never give yourself an honorific such as Mr., Ms., Dr., etc.
In a three-person introduction, your role is to introduce two people to each other. In a business or business/social situation, one must take into consideration the rank of the people involved in order to show appropriate deference. Simply say first the name of the person who should be shown the greatest respect. And remember, gender doesn’t count in the business world; protocol is based upon rank. Senior employees outrank junior employees, customers or clients outrank every employee (even the CEO), and officials (Mayor, Senator, etc.) outrank non-officials.
Begin with the superior’s name, add the introduction phrase, say the other person’s name and add some information about the second person. Then reverse the introduction by saying the second’s name, followed by the introduction phrase and the superior’s name and information. When a three-party intro is done correctly, the two people being introduced should be able to start some small talk based upon what you shared about each of them. Introductions should match, so if you know the first and last names of both people, say both. If you know only the first name of one person, say only the first names of both. If you add an honorific for one person, the other should also have one.
Examples:
“Mr. Brown, I’d like to introduce Ms. Ann Smith, who started yesterday in the mailroom. Ann, this is Douglas Brown, our CEO.”
(Ann would be wise to call the CEO “Mr. Brown” right away and not assume she may call him by his first name. Always use the last names of superiors and clients until you are invited to do otherwise.)
“Pete, I’d like to introduce to you Doug Brown, our CEO. Doug, I’d like you to meet, Pete Johnson, who’s considering our firm for his ad campaign.”
Tip: Don’t say “I’d like to introduce you to..”, but rather “I’d like to introduce to you…”
Tip: Always stand for an introduction.
Social skills are important prerequisites to succeeding in business. Knowing how to shake hands and handle introductions can set you apart from the competition, convey confidence and project a professional image. Practice these simple skills and you will reap the benefits!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
© 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
BUSINESS ENTERTAINING:
INVITING THE BOSS HOME
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
In the United States, as in many countries around the world, December is a month filled with celebrations. Office parties, cocktail receptions, open houses and family dinners pack the calendar. Some events are business-related, some purely social or familial. Others bridge the gap and provide an opportunity for work and family to mix. Most often it happens at a company-sponsored event that includes spouses and/or children. Another way is when you invite co-workers home for a meal—even your boss! Don’t let that idea scare you. At some point in your career, you will probably want the boss to meet your family. Or perhaps you will need to repay an invitation he or she extended to you earlier. The thought of entertaining the boss at home can be stressful. Not only are your hosting skills on display, but also your skills at organization, cooking, housekeeping and, in some cases, childrearing! The solution is to have enough planning time to think through every detail.
You can choose to do either a sit-down meal or a buffet. Whichever you select, by all means be yourself. This is not the time to try to impress the boss with complicated recipes you’ve never made before or to overextend the family finances with expensive food or drink. If you enjoy the chance to plan and serve multi-course meals and showcase your fine china and silver, a sit-down meal is the way to go. Just make sure you first take into consideration the number of guests you can accommodate at your table and the limitations of your kitchen. For tips on how to set the table for a formal dinner, please read “Dining Etiquette for the Fast-Food Generation” (http://www.bremercommunications.com/Dining_Etiquette.htm).
A buffet meal can be an easier task to undertake than a sit-down dinner. It provides a more relaxed atmosphere for your boss and other guests as they can serve themselves and choose their dinner companions, too. You also have more time to visit with everyone, as most of the food is prepared ahead of time. And since seating is more informal than a sit-down meal, you can usually accommodate a few more people. On the subject of seating, you have two choices. Use your dining room table, folding card tables and tray tables for a seated buffet so that every guest has a place at a table. Or let your guests sit wherever they choose around the room. Place small tables next to seats that aren’t within reach of larger ones so that guests don’t have to balance plates on their laps.
The first step is to set the guest list and extend the invitations. A written invitation is best when inviting your boss or anyone of high rank. And be sure to include the spouse or partner. If you don’t socialize regularly with the boss, you will feel more at ease if you also include a few others from work. I like to mix up the guest list and invite people outside of work, as well. I think a combination of people makes dinner conversation more interesting. Important tip: Don’t make the mistake of assuming you can be suddenly be on a first name basis with the boss, unless you already have that privilege at work.
Next, decide on your menu and room set-up. The menu can have a theme, spotlighting regional or ethnic cuisine, or simply be a combination of your favorite gourmet store dishes along with your own best recipes. Keep food safety in mind with your buffet. You’ll need to be able to keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold. Plan on setting out small portions of each dish and replace as needed with fresh, clean platters. If possible, place the buffet table in the center of the room so that guests may serve themselves from both sides. Have a separate beverage area close to the buffet where guests can help themselves to wine, cocktails, soda, juice or water. For a seated buffet, place settings can be preset with filled water glasses, empty wine glasses, napkins and silverware. Opened wine bottles can also be set on each table for guests to pour as they like. Coffee can either be placed on the beverage table or served from a tray by the host or hostess.
As guests arrive, pre-dinner drinks are offered; dinner should start about one hour later than the time specified on the invitation. Announce that dinner is served and guests can form a line around the serving tables, helping themselves to food and drink. Guests can then help themselves to seconds as they are ready.
Spouses and significant others have responsibilities during these functions, primarily to help with the planning and execution and to make the boss and other guests feel comfortable. They can assist with greeting the arriving guests or taking newly arrived guests around to meet the others. They should also help with the refilling of glasses and platters. And perhaps most importantly, they have the responsibility to be an interesting dinner companion, to view this gathering as an opportunity to learn more about your work, boss and coworkers.
So don’t be afraid to invite the boss home. Entertaining at home can be a great way to get to know the people you work with--and for--in a relaxed environment. And with just a bit of planning, you’ll be able to relax yourself and enjoy this chance to shine!
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
© 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
EMAIL, PHONE, AND FAX ETIQUETTE
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
The use of telephones, cell phones, speakerphones, voice mail, email and faxes has become a way of life in business. However, the rules of etiquette have not always kept pace with the innovations of technology. Here, then, is a primer on the “do’s and don’ts” of techno-etiquette.
EMAIL
Email has become the preferred method of communication for many people in business, but if not used properly, can become hazardous to relationships and careers. Email is a silent form of communication. One can neither see you as you say the words nor hear your vocal inflections; the message is contained entirely in the words you choose to write and send. Because the reader misses out on the nuances of your verbal and visual delivery the results are often miscommunication and misunderstandings.
Before you hit the send button, it’s important to proof the content for spelling and grammar mistakes. But it’s also important to read the message aloud; it’s the only way to check the tone of your message. Does it sound polite, brusque, respectful, mean? Say it out loud and you’ll be able to hear how it will sound in the recipient’s head when he or she reads it. Don’t forget to add “please” and “thank you”. Those two phrases can transform the snippiest of demands into a polite request.
Email is best used for short, simple and straightforward information. Any message longer than about half the computer screen is too long. If your content is long, consider introducing the subject in a short email and sending the details as an attachment or fax. Keep in mind, though, that you should first ask permission before attaching any large files. I also suggest that you send break up emails with multiple ideas into single-subject emails. This means that you may be sending two or three emails to someone instead of one, but in the long run, several single-subject emails will be more convenient for the recipient to file, forward and respond to than one long one.
The use of email has become important in business because it provides, in writing, information that one needs quickly. But never let the convenience of email overshadow the value of a phone call or face-to-face meeting. The “human touch” is often missing from our communications and customers and co-workers alike will appreciate the time and effort it took for you to call or stop by. Try doing both at once – send an email, but call as well to give the recipient a “heads up”. Hearing your message will enhance their reading of it.
Assume any message you send is permanent and may likely be forwarded to others.
Start with a salutation. Continue to use salutations until the relationship is well established.
Respond to all questions when returning e-mail.
Do not use email to send trivial, confidential or sensitive information. Anything truly sensitive or urgent should be telephoned.
Never use email to reprimand someone.
Never express political or religious opinions via email.
Use humor and sarcasm sparingly. Recipients may not “get” the joke.
Use industry or email acronyms, abbreviations, or emoticons sparingly.
Define your subject in the subject line.
Use upper and lower case when writing.
Use signatures with complete personal contact information.
Allow 1-2 days for a response. If you need an immediate response, call as well.
Respond to your incoming emails within 24 hours. If you need more time to respond, call or email that you are looking into it and will get back to them ASAP.
CELL PHONE/BEEPER
We all have a love-hate relationship with cell phones. They’re wonderful when we need them, but annoyed when we hear someone else’s cell phone ring or are forced to listen to their side of a conversation. Conducting a cell phone conversation in a public place is only appropriate in an emergency. Remove yourself to a private location before placing any cell phone call.
I believe the time is soon approaching when ringing cell phones in public will be considered inappropriate and unlawful. Laws are already being passed to restrict cell phone use in cars. Can cell phone noise pollution guidelines be far behind? There’s really only one correct way for cell phones to ring, and that is not at all. Turn all phones and beepers to vibrate only. End of discussion.
TELEPHONE
Answer incoming calls quickly identifying yourself by first and last name.
Identify yourself whenever you place a call – first and last name, company, and nature of call.
Speak slowly and clearly.
Listen attentively and add verbal agreement.
Use honorifics: Mr., Ms., Dr., Sir, Ma’am.
Return messages within 24 hours.
If you're in someone else's office when they get a phone call, offer to step outside.
Don’t take any calls when someone is in your office, unless it’s urgent.
Don’t talk to anyone else while you're on the phone.
Don’t do any other work or eat while on the phone.
Holds – ask the other party if they are able to hold. Never keep someone on hold for more than a minute. Each time you return, thank them for holding.
VOICEMAIL
Your outgoing message should include your name, title and company name.
Keep your outgoing voicemail message current. Update the message weekly or daily.
When out of town, state in your message when you’ll be back, whether you’ll be checking in for messages, how to contact you or who to contact in your absence.
When leaving voicemail for others, give your name slowly with proper spelling, company name and phone number. Briefly specify the purpose of your call. Let them know the best time to reach you. Leave your phone number again at the end of the message.
Try not to ramble when leaving voicemail. Messages should be no longer than thirty seconds.
SPEAKERPHONE
Use speakerphones sparingly. Whenever you use one, always ask the other party’s permission to do so and identify everyone in the room with you.
During conference calls, participants should identify themselves whenever speaking.
Consider picking the phone up periodically during the call to add a “human touch” to the conversation.
FAX
Faxes have the potential for being quite public; they can be read by anyone who happens across them at the machine. As with email, be careful never to fax admonishments or sensitive content. If you need to send confidential information via fax, call the recipient and ask that they wait by the machine at their end. Sending thank-yous, congratulatory notes, or any kind of inappropriate jokes or pictures is considered tacky and bad form.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
Golf and the Seven Rules for Success on the Links
By Anna Wildermuth, AICI, CIM
Personal Images, Inc.
Golf is a good way to get to know people and build successful business relationships, whether strengthening a current one or networking into a new one. Following are seven rules to ensure the game will be above par for everyone.
Rule 1 – Know Your Game
The average male golfer scores about 100 and the female 120. If your score is at this level or lower, you will be comfortable in most golf situations. If your score is higher than average and your golfing partner's is lower, let them know in advance so you won't be embarrassed. If you are the host and your guest scores higher than average, be patient. New golfers should have at least five rounds of golf under their belt and a few lessons before playing with clients or in a golf tournament. The exception is a scramble format where only one ball is played.
Rule 2 – Dress the Part
Never wear jeans, shorts, tee shirts, or gym shoes on the golf course. It's best to wear a golf shirt (avoid large prints and palm leaves) and long pants. Shorts are acceptable if they are close to knee length for women and no less than two inches above the knee for men. Good leather golf shoes and ankle socks complete the right “personal style" in your dress. Wear a visor or hat to protect yourself from the sun.
Rule 3 – If You Are the Host or the Guest
If you are the host, choose a golf course that will be fun for your guests to play. If your guest is of the opposite sex, be sure to make locker arrangements for him or her. Inform your guests of the course dress code. If you are the guest, ask about the dress policy in advance and let your host know your golfing ability. Afterwards, send the host a thank you note along with a gift or an invitation to another round of golf.
Rule 4 – Make the Right Foursome
Make your guests comfortable by putting together a foursome with similar golf abilities and temperaments. Be sensitive to their schedules, asking if they prefer a morning or late afternoon tee time. If your guest is new golfer, schedule a tee time at an off-hour so you will not hold up everyone else on the course.
Rule 5 – Golf Etiquette
Never give nor ask for advice on the golf course. Keep complaints to yourself and never make excuses. If you have had more than 10 swings on a hole, pick up your ball so as not to hold up other golfers on the course. Never use cell phones or beepers on the golf course. If you like to bet on your golf game, bet for a drink and never for money.
Rule 6 – Never Discuss Business on the Links
Never discuss business on the golf course unless your client brings it up. Keep the discussion light, saving business for the 19th hole.
Rule 7 – The 19th Hole
Always allow time for a beverage and snack after a round of golf. This is the time to discuss business and make your case for whatever project you are working on. This is also the time to confirm you have all had a good time or to smooth over a not-so-great game. Always focus on the game highlights, never the bad shots. Most importantly, have fun!
"Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success." -Bob Toski
Anna Soo Wildermuth, AICI, CIP, president of Personal Images, Inc. specializes in image, communication and professional development training, consulting and coaching. Anna is the President of the Association of Image Consultants International. Her clients include Household International, Northern Trust Company, ABN-AMRO North America, Square D Company and Roman, Inc. She can be reached at 630-530-9440 or www.personalimagesinc.com
TIPPING AROUND THE WORLD
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
Tipping has been around for hundreds of years. A tip, or gratuity, is defined as a gift of money given to someone for performing a service or menial task, over and above the payment due for the service. Tips are not required, but they are expected by many people in the service industry. In fact, many U.S. waiters and waitresses are paid less than minimum wage as tips are expected to make up the other part of their income. The amounts and percentages suggested below should be used as a general guideline only. If service is poor, give a smaller tip or none at all. If service is superior, feel free to be more generous with your gratuity.
In fine-dining establishments, there are a number of people to tip. Servers expect 15%-20% of the pre-tax amount of the bill. A group of six or more often receives a bill that has the gratuity already incorporated. If a number of bottles of wine are ordered during the course of the meal, the prevailing belief is that the wine costs should not be figured into the final tip. Of course, if a wine steward was involved in the selection and serving, he or she should be tipped 15% of the wine bill. A maitre d’ should be taken care of, too, as that person can help to make your dining experience a favorable one. A twenty-dollar tip is a good place to start and will help to establish a relationship between the two of you. This can work in your favor when the time comes to entertain the important people in your life and career. Bartenders should receive 15% of the bar bill, give the coat room attendant $1.00 per coat, and pass along $1.00 to the valet parker.
Tips also need to be bestowed upon certain people in the transportation industry. If you check your luggage curbside at the airport, tip your skycap a minimum of $1.00 per bag. Airport wheelchair pushers appreciate a few dollars for their efforts. Taxi drivers should be tipped 15% of the fare. Many cities around the world have established a rider’s bill of rights, which tells riders they have the right to enjoy, for example, air conditioning on command, a radio-free ride, smoke-free air, and a clean seat. Riders are encouraged not to tip if the rights are not complied with.
Hairstylists at beauty salons and barbershops should be tipped 15% of the bill; those who shampoo your hair get $1.00 to $2.00. If more than one person provides services, for example one doing color and another cutting your hair, tip each person 10%-15% of their portion of the bill. Manicurists should receive no less than $1.00 or 15% of the bill.
At hotels, give the bellhop $5.00 to $10.00 for bringing your luggage to your room. If you order room service, tips are usually included in the tab and range from 15% to18% of the bill. Chambermaids appreciate $2.00 to $5.00 each day for taking care of your room. Give the doorman at least $1.00 for helping to call a taxi, in inclement weather, give a little more. No tip is necessary for the concierge who takes care of an simple task, such as dinner reservations or a shuttle bus booking. For more complicated services, $10 to $20 is appropriate.
For a look at tipping in other countries around the world, I have invited fellow members of the Association of Image Consultants International to offer their insights.
SINGAPORE
In many Asian countries, tipping is very much a way of life for service. Socially, one can elevate one's status by extending a tip. The bigger the tip, the better the personal attention and service which can, of course, impress others. For example, at Chinese dinners, the host tips the headwaiter often before the meal to ensure excellent service. This is still practiced to some extent. However, with the erosion of traditional customs and practices in modern day Singapore, tipping is generally not encouraged by the Singapore government. There are probably several reasons for this. To woo visitors and boost tourism revenue, the government has worked hard to implement measures that make Singapore a safe destination where visitors will find modern facilities, better service, technology-aided efficiency, cleanliness and no confusion for foreigners.
Taxicabs run by meter with receipts issued upon request and tips are not required to taxi drivers. However, tipping is still done at beauty salons where a tip of S$2.00-$4.00 (S$1 = approx. US$1.7) is appropriate for the shampoo person and manicurist. It is handed directly to one's favourite service staff and this also ensures that the same service staff attends to that particular customer in the future. At some salons, there is a general tip box at the pay counter. Hair stylists who are owners of the salon are seldom tipped. S$2.00 is the amount of tip that applies to hotel service staff, although guests are often notified of a "No tipping required” policy. At restaurants, valet parkers are tipped well, from S$2-S$5. Perhaps this is because valet parking services are most often used by well-heeled individuals who arrive in plush, and often exotic, cars - especially at hotels. Proper dining restaurants levy a 10% service charge and tipping is therefore not required. However, it is often practiced by hosts who are entertaining special guests, in which case an additional 10% of the bill amount is given as a tip to the headwaiter who is supposed to share the tip with the other service staff.
Christina Ong, AICI, CIP
imageWorks
Email: iwx@pacific.net.sg
GERMANY
I do not feel that Germans are especially generous tippers. In restaurants, the common tip is 10 % of the total bill. The waiters and waitresses, however, receive a monthly salary that is considerably higher than the U.S. minimum wage. The tips they get from the guests they, of course, keep. If the restaurant bill is of a very high amount (caused, for example, by very expensive wines), the tip is usually no more than 5%-6 %. Taxi drivers usually get about 10 % of the fare shown by the meter. At German airports, there are no skycaps. The airport is full of baggage carts that are free of charge and can be taken everywhere within the airport and to the parking areas. At hotels, if you were happy with the service, it is common to leave a tip for the maid in the room when you leave. Also, you pay about 2-3 Euros for help with the luggage each time and the same amount for the doorman. You also tip the people who have been of special assistance to you. At the hairdresser, you give a 1-2 Euro tip to the person cutting your hair and 1 Euro to the person washing your hair. The owner never gets a tip. It is also customary to tip the delivery people when bigger deliveries are made to your home. At Christmas time it is common to give a tip to the mailman and to the newspaper deliveryman.
Wenche Schneider, AICI, CIP
Authentic Image
E-mail: WenkeSchneider@t-online.de
www.Wenche-Schneider.de
BRAZIL
Tipping in Brazil is flexible. There are no set guidelines and the amount, if or when is given, is entirely at a person’s discretion. At hotels, a 10% to 15% service charge is included in the bill.
Porters: R$2,00 to R$5,00 not per bag, but per trip to room at luxury hotels.
Chambermaids: Not regularly tipped; however, about R$1,00 to R$2,00 tip per day may be given at luxury hotels.
Valet: About R$2,00.
Room Service: About R$2,00 if not included in the bill.
Restaurants: A 10% service charge is included in the bill. In bars and cafes, 10% tipping is also normal if the service charge has not been already added.
Taxis: No tipping is expected; drivers might be permitted to keep some change. Frequently, hotels will negotiate the fare in advance with the driver and pass the amount on to the guest as a flat rate (tip included).
Barbers & Beauticians: A 10% to 15% tip goes to the main person attending you. Do not tip the owner of the establishment. R$1,00 to R$2,00 may be given to any other attendees.
Ana Silva
E-mail: anasilva@planet.nl
SWITZERLAND
In Switzerland a 15% service charge is already included in all hotel and restaurant bills, also in taxi bills. Although tipping has officially been abolished, many people, if they enjoyed the good service (and especially when they intend to become a regular customer!), tend to give up to 10% tipping extra. Tipping is still appropriate for railway and hotel porters (SFR 2), wash- and cloakroom attendants (SFR 1), and petrol station attendants (who clean your car's windshields). Also, in hair and beauty salons a service charge is included, but one often gives extra tipping (but seldom to the owner of the salon). Feel free to express with your tipping how you felt about the service you got - and know that, unlike in the USA, people do not expect you to tip and will never ask you for a tip - but they will thank you with a smile (all the above mentioned jobs are paid rather poorly).
Anita Altherr, AICI, CIP
Coaching + Image Management
www.imagemanagement.ch
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development, communication and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
© 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
Showing Respect in the Workplace
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
www.bremercommunications.com
In this business casual world we now live in, it’s startling how casual we’ve also become with our behavior and communication. A relaxed work environment can be good – to a point. Too much informality can lead to careless remarks, absent manners, and ill feelings. It isn’t long before misunderstandings, rudeness, negligence, and even lawsuits enter the picture. According to Rude Awakenings: Overcoming the Civility Crisis in the Workplace (Dearborn Trade, 2002), 78% of respondents to one study reported aggressive and disrespectful behavior in the workplace. There is a real need to create a work environment filled with courtesy, self-restraint, and respect. A good way to start is with how you show deference to others.
Deference is an act of high regard and respect owed an elder, superior or visitor. You show respect in the ways you stand for others, take a seat at a table, move through doors, shake hands, and orchestrate introductions. In a purely social situation, defer to the females or elders in the group and help them with doors, taking a seat, etc. In business settings, deference is based upon rank.
Who has the higher rank? Defer to customers and clients – prospects, too – because they’re the people who keep you in business. Visitors require respect because, until you are introduced to them, you don’t know who they are in relation to yourself and your organization. Superiors within your company deserve special regard because they outrank you. Many American businesses operate as flat organizations with no traditional hierarchy, but there are still employees with titles and positions above you that call for special honors.
One of the biggest blunders people make in the workplace is assuming they are on a first name basis with everyone else. Do not make this mistake! Until you have an established business relationship with someone or have been invited to do otherwise, address others using an honorific (“Mr.”, “Ms”, “Dr.”, etc.) with their last name. This holds true even if they call you by your first name. Using honorifics and last names displays great class and sophistication. Exception: If you can quickly surmise that you are about the same age and rank as the other person, you may call them by their first name.
Here are some additional tips for showing respect in the workplace:
STANDING
When anyone of a higher rank (superior, customer, visitor) enters an office or meeting room, the people present in the room should stand, regardless of gender. The exception to this rule is when that higher-ranking person frequents that space on a regular basis.
Be sure to stand whenever you are introduced to someone.
SEATING
Do not take a seat in an office or meeting room until the senior employees or key players have themselves taken a seat. Wait to be motioned to a seat or simply fill in the seats around them.
GREETING
Do not keep customers or visitors waiting. Greet them yourself in the reception area or arrange to have them escorted to you. When they leave, escort them out personally.
When you are handed a business card, take the time to look it over carefully. Do not immediately stuff it away in a pocket or bag. Ask questions about it, comment on the logo or advertising slogan, or verify the web site or email address. Asking questions about the information on their card can be the starting point for insightful small talk.
When a customer flies in from another city, consider meeting them at the airport and driving them to the office yourself. This is common practice in many other countries; Americans would be wise to adopt this practice. It makes a great first impression.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
ORDERING WINE
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
Have you ever felt intimated when ordering wine in a restaurant? Do you feel unsure of how to handle the presentation of the bottle and the tasting that follows? Dining out should be a relaxing occasion, not one that causes anxiety. Here are some tips that will help you feel more confident when ordering wine.
SELECTING WINE
Option 1 - Ask your server or the sommelier for their advice. In upscale restaurants, servers should be fairly knowledgeable about the wines they offer and how they complement various dishes. Tell him or her your preferences, what you’re planning to eat, and how much you want to spend. Sommeliers, the restaurant’s staff wine expert, will be happy to select a wine for you. Let them know your preferences and, to silently communicate your price limit, point to an appropriately priced wine on the list and say, “Something like this.”
Option 2 – If you have a wine lover in your group, let them make the choice.
Option 3 – Forget the wine list. Order 1-2 bottles of the house white and/or red. This can be a good choice for almost every occasion. Restaurants choose those wines to match its food.
Option 4 – Order wines by the glass. This is a good way to try several different wines with a meal and accommodate the varying preferences of the group.
PRESENTATION OF THE BOTTLE
The ritual begins when the unopened bottle of wine is brought to your table and shown to you. This is so you can check that the wine they have brought is the one you ordered. Look at the label and confirm it is the bottle - and vintage - you ordered. Simply nod to the server to show that you approve.
INSPECTION OF THE CORK
The server will remove the cork and place it in front of you to inspect. Don’t sniff the cork; just look at it, then nod. The cork should be neither wet all the way through nor dry. Either condition indicates that the wine was stored improperly. Corks should be moist.
Presenting the cork is a tradition that began in the days before bottles were labeled. Wineries began branding their corks to identify their wines so that devious restaurateurs couldn’t pass off ordinary wine to their unsuspecting diners. Servers began presenting the cork to verify the wine’s origination.
TASTING THE WINE
A small amount of wine will be poured into your glass. This amount is intended to be sniffed and tasted. You are to determine if the wine has gone bad, not if you like it or not. It is only appropriate to reject wine when it has turned, not because you don’t like it.
Look at the color; the wine should be clear and lights should sparkle in it. With the glass resting on the table, rotate the glass gently so the wine swirls around. This will release the bouquet. Raise the glass and smell it. If it smells good, you can accept it at this point, as the sense of smell is more acute than taste. If you choose to taste it as well, do that as the last step. If the wine meets with your approval, nod and the server will pour for everyone else.
Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP, owner of Bremer Communications, offers training, consulting and coaching in professional image development and presentation skills. Her clients include Oracle, Abbott Labs, W.W. Grainger, U.S. Department of Energy and the National Association of Realtors. She can be reached at 708-848-5945 or at www.bremercommunications.com
Copyright © 2004 Bremer Communications All Rights Reserved
INVITATIONS AND RSVPs
By Jill Bremer, AICI, CIP
Bremer Communications
www.bremercommunications.com
It’s holiday time again and with it comes many festive social and business-related parties and events. To put your best foot forward, it’s important to know how to both extend and respond to an invitation. There are etiquette guidelines for each role, so whether you’re the host or guest, read on to learn about your responsibilities.
Issuing an Invitation
Invitations may be extended via mail, telephone, or email. The world in which we live is certainly becoming more casual, and you may be tempted to simply pick up the phone or send a quick email to invite your guests, but I urge you to consider sending printed or handwritten invitations whenever possible. Receiving an invitation in the mail makes the recipient feel special and honored to have been invited. These invitations also allow you to set the mood, build anticipation, and express your personality. They can be the perfect “kick off” to your event.
For a formal event, such as a formal dinner, reception, or wedding, choose white or ecru cards or double-fold paper for the invitations. Engraving has become prohibitively expensive these days; a combination of quality paper and a good printer is all you need.
For events that are less formal, such as an open house or casual dinner, you can use fill-in cards from the stationary store or handwritten notes. Email invitations are also becoming acceptable. A number of creative e-vite designs are available and a better choice than simply jotting a few words within the body of an email. If the event is very casual, such as a get-together with friends, a phone call will suffice.
Whether formal or informal, envelopes should always be addressed by hand. Never use computer-generated address labels. Another no-no – using a postage meter. Better to select a beautiful or intriguing commemorative stamp from the post office.
For large, formal events, mail the invitations 4-6 weeks ahead of time. For cocktail parties or casual events - 3 weeks ahead.
Decoding an Invitation
When you open an invitation, take a look at how the envelope is addressed. With a formal wedding invitation, you’ll want to look at the inner envelope. Whatever names are listed on the envelope – and only those names - are the invitees. If the hosts want you to bring a guest, your envelope will indicate that. It puts the hosts in a very awkward position if you show up with an unplanned guest or call them ahead of time to ask if it’s okay to bring someone along. Don’t do it!
Special instructions will be in the lower corners of the invitation, such as “Valet Parking,” “In case of rain…,” “No gifts,” etc. If no reply card is enclosed, you will find instructions in the lower left hand corner explaining how to RSVP. The lower right hand corner usually offers information about clothing requirements (“Black tie” “Business dress”). If you’re unsure as to what to wear, it’s fine to call the host, hostess, or secretary for insight. You can also ask others who have attended the function in the past or read
Responding to an Invitation
Every invitation you receive requires a response. The exception to this rule is the invitation that asks you to pay money to attend, such as a benefit or auction. Every other invitation should receive a response from you within seven days.
Many formal invitations, including most wedding invitations, now include a reply card for your response. Send it back promptly, again within one week’s time. For the record, it wasn’t that long ago that enclosing a reply card was considered in poor taste. However, as most people have become remiss in their manners, it has now become necessary and quite acceptable to include this built-in “nudge.”
If no reply card is enclosed, RSVP instructions will be included in the lower left-hand corner. If there is a phone number, you may call to accept or regret. If only an address has been offered, you must write your response. Passing the host or hostess on the street or in the hallway and telling them, “I can be there,” doesn’t count. You must still respond according to the instructions on the invitation.
To respond in writing to a formal invitation, there are guidelines to follow. It should be handwritten using black ink and centered on white or ecru paper. It should also be written in the third person, just like the invitation:
Mr. and Mrs. Walter Johnson
accept with pleasure
Mrs. Allen’s
kind invitation for
Sunday, the second of June
or
Mr. And Mrs. Walter Johnson
sincerely regret that
due to their absence from the country
they are unable to accept
Mrs. Allen’s
kind invitation for
Sunday, the second of June
Notice that with the regret, an explanation is given for their absence.
To respond to an informal invitation that was issued in writing, email or via phone, you may respond in the same manner in which it was issued. However, if you must regret, the best choice is always to write a personal note or call, explaining why you’re unable to attend.
© 2007 Bremer Communications
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